D. Roberts
Working with success, struggle and doubt"You're only as good as your last piece," says Roberts, "and it doesn't matter how much you've achieved--awards, accolades, grants, it doesn't matter. You always have to prove yourself."
Originally published in Current, Dec. 12, 1994
By Jacqueline Conciatore
In the final scene of D. Roberts' radio docudrama "Weathering Heights," Mr. Spock and Bones, Emily Bronte, Caine from the television program Kung Fu, and Heathcliff have a silly exchange illustrating the cultural divides that open underfoot when people from different worlds try to communicate.
These characters had been a source of comfort to Roberts as a child, when she lacked a firm sense of her AmerAsian identity and couldn't find role models in her Oregon mill town. Eventually she no longer needed Spock, et al. Thus, at the end of "Heights," the whole mismatched party beams up to the Starship Enterprise.
The bit is quintessential D. Roberts: combining drama and documentary to talk in personal terms about the painful dimension of cross-cultural legacies. She wove the same elements in her half-hour piece "Mei Mei: A Daughter's Song," which won a George Foster Peabody award in 1990. Though she is best known for "Mei Mei," a dark portrait of her difficult relationship with her Chinese mother, who was twice sold as a bonded servant during World War II, Roberts has produced more than 200 programs for public radio during the course of her 10-year career.
Most recently, she completed a 13-part series for NPR, Legacies: Tales from America, for which "Mei Mei" was the pilot. The half-hour documentaries profiled personal stories of cross-cultural Americans. Some broadcasters credit Roberts for bringing in new producers to work on that series, for which she received $160,000 from CPB plus additional aid from other sources.
"A lot of people will get big grants and live on them for years," Roberts says. "I don't know--I didn't. I chose to share the work and bring new people into the system and create something that's never been done before."
Roberts' work also includes straight journalism, such as a recent piece for Marketplace about a company that makes shoes out of recycled materials, "Dejashoe." Or an earlier one-hour documentary about the rise and fall of Oregon's infamous commune, Rajneeshpuram. She also produces arts and news features for Morning Edition, Performance Today and All Things Considered.
''Mei Mei''
Just remember. This isn't about me. It's about my mother. About growing up with her. Just remember that.
This is the message that begins "Mei Mei" (which means "little sister" in Taiwanese), a "docuplay" that Soundprint and All Things Considered broadcast in 1989. That's five years ago, but people still refer to it in the awed tones reserved for stories that evoke an unforgettable emotional response. Roberts herself says she cannot listen to ''Mei Mei'' in its entirety: "It's just too damn painful."
It took Roberts five years of applying to various sources for funding before she finally won a grant for "Mei Mei" from Soundprint; this was followed by money from the NEA and the Oregon Arts Commission, a boon that allowed her to travel to Taiwan with her mother. There, the piece fell into place--and not as she had planned. "The piece I originally intended was more reverential, more mythical," she says. "This trip created a situation that brought out the truth in our relationship."
The program is like an intricate quilt rich in dark and gold tones: Here is Roberts confiding in listeners--her words swim in irony. There is her mother's frank voice, disarmingly human. Then sounds from a Taiwanese marketplace, some Chinese opera, a story about a village girl and a Dragon King's daughter. Through it all runs Mei Mei's own story, her legacy to her daughter. "In trying to sum up someone's inner self, or life, facts just don't do it," Roberts explains. "Structuring in a concentric or circular way helps. These are ways people think, not in a straight way. Especially when you're dealing with emotional material, there's stuff that keeps coming back."
The candor of Roberts' work perhaps distinguishes her from any producer working today. Says fellow independent producer Judith Walcutt, who recently collaborated with Roberts on a dramatization of a short story by Gish Jen: "She has a unique capacity for being unflinching in her ability to plumb her own personal experience."
"Lesser artists" dealing with such personal material may not do so well, Walcutt says, "but D. has proven her authority as a real artist of the medium. Whatever effort it takes for her to do it, we don't see it. We just see incredibly vivid radio that draws us into her personal experience."
The challenge of presenting autobiographical material is to stay on the right side of the line that separates "self-indulgent" from "self-revealing," Roberts says. "You have to step outside yourself. You can't just write autobiography. You need a sociological, psychological or historical framework for it--something that takes you outside of just telling your memory." A good editor doesn't hurt either, she adds.
Roberts seems to be moving away from the autobiographical, at least away from work that is obviously so. "I don't think I want to be as revealing in my life as I was with that piece," she says. ["Mei Mei"] is not something I choose to listen to, where I go, 'Gather round everyone, and listen to my heart bleeding.' "
She jokes: "At some point, I want to be able to produce personal pieces I can listen to."
The Award
When Roberts won the Peabody, she shared the stage in Atlanta with Scott Simon, Tom Brokaw and David Brinkley. "I was up there with all these guys," she says. Though she speaks of the experience fondly, she also says it was a bit daunting to be an independent producer at the ceremony, all alone.
In some ways, that experience foreshadowed the Peabody's initial effect on her. She wondered how she could possibly top "Mei Mei," a piece she says "came together the only way that it could. I think of it almost as my Citizen Kane."
She felt the pressure to prove herself, despite the award. "You're only as good as your last piece, and it doesn't matter how much you've achieved--awards, accolades, grants, it doesn't matter. You always have to prove yourself."
Later, especially after touching base with fellow producers at the recent Association of Independents in Radio Conference, she became more relaxed, trusting in herself. "I have a voice I want to share, interaction I can capture on tape, subjects I want to delve into. I do trust I can pull it off, produce something in a way unlike anyone else."
There is an irony to the fact that Roberts has achieved a new level of confidence as a radio producer. With a thriving separate career as a stage actress and playwright, she can afford to leave public radio--and she is thinking about it.
Roberts rings a bitter note when she discusses the difficulty of being an independent radio producer today: the isolation, lack of feedback, scarcity of funding. As do many independents, Roberts says she has "one foot out the door."
"The system does not support producers and creativity. As much as they talk about it, they don't.''
"I have to say this: it's even harder if you're a woman. There is a lot of talk about hearing different perspectives, but when you look at the funding that comes through CPB and major funders, the independents who tend to get funded year after year are young white boys."
"The system is trying to change, but it gets frustrating when you think of top producers and these boys' names come up time after time."
Despite her disillusionment, she is animated when discussing her next project, a four-part series, Legacies: Faith, Hope, Peace and Justice--about the values and beliefs Americans are taking with them into the 21st Century. The first program will chronicle the spiritual journeys of Americans who have rejected traditional religion but are not finding answers in New Age forms. The second will explore America's ailing work ethic. The third program will have an Arab-American writer discuss the miracle of peace in the Middle East. Finally, Roberts plans to look at social justice through the eyes of three people who've spent their lives fighting for it. "I'm excited about this because it is branching into different territory," she says. "The other Legacies focused on personal stories. This is more sociological. I'm also excited about doing outreach with kids." Roberts hopes to find funding to distribute cassettes of the programs free to high school and college students.
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